It's All About Perspective

Have you ever wondered what's up with "the daughters of Jerusalem"? I've heard speculations of palace attendants, assigned the menial tasks of serving a queen and immature sisters who sneak a peak and giggle a lot. No one seems to know for sure. But every love story has people who watch a romance develop; hapless "want-to-be's" that sit at the window, propped with a hand beneath their chin, breathing a deep sigh every time the couple walks by. I just find it fascinating that a God of supreme intelligence would stoop to adolescence to communicate His message of truth. I think it all has to do with perspective.

Just imagine if I was reading this blog on the stage of a crowded auditorium. You just happen to be among them. From my position I can make out the form of many faces and maybe even a few shoulders of people sitting in stationary rows just inside the shadows of stage lighting. From your perspective you see one person - me - speaking behind a podium with the backdrop of a large, red curtain. Perspective helps us determine different points of view.

Above all, the Song helps you identify with your position as the Bride of Christ. From this perspective your face is fixed on Jesus. As you grow in greater revelation of his private love for you there are always "maidens" on the side lines watching with innocent pursuit. They want what you have and the only way to identify with the romance of a unseen God is by observation. But don't miss this point. At the same time you are also counted among the maidens. For every Shulamite there are a host of Daughters. No one person is the Shulamite (even though God's love is so thorough I can feel like His favorite). We all comprise the Bride of Christ. That means we qualify for private intimacy with Jesus at the same time as being counted among the many. You're on stage as well as in the audience. It's just a matter of perspective.

I'm convinced God inserted these figures in the drama to remind us of His love for simple-minded followers, people who want to understand but don't exactly know how to get there. In many ways, that's me. My experience with the love of Christ is far from complete and sometimes I need a Shulamite to help me discover another puzzle piece. But the Song also highlights the role of evangelism. Maidens represent people who are "being saved," those who have yet to make a profession of faith. They too, are among the observers catching site of a love affair that's contagious. Without a doubt, they're watching you.

I wonder what it looks like from God's perspective? Hmmm... I bet it's beautiful.

Does Practice Make Perfect?

Here's a sneak peek at my new book ...

Does practice make perfect? Remember those stinkin' piano lessons and after school drills on the ball field? Everybody knows you need to repeat the task again and again and again in order to perfect a skill. But what about sex? Does the logic still apply when it comes to naked embraces? To get good at sex, don't you need to practice ... a lot?

It's a great question. Everybody seems to be "doing it". Not many seem to be interested in a romance if sex is not included in the relationship. In fact, most dating arrangements seem to come with the assumption that sex automatic. It's an acceptable way to end an evening even if it's a first date. Who knows? If the sexual exchange doesn't satisfy it might just be the last one. Isn't this how you determine your sexual preferences? How else are you supposed to find someone who is compatible? If you take time to practice sex before marriage won't you be better prepared for the ultimate experience with your spouse? It sounds like common sense. Practice makes perfect, doesn't it?

I guess that depends on how you define perfect ...

Kiss me!

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth."
Song of Solomon 1:2

What an opener! This is so atypical of an average Bible read. What the heck is the author talking about? Plenty.

We Americans enjoy fast food everything but people who read this book with a drive-through-window appetite always leave hungry. Let's consider for a moment who is writing these pros. Yes, Solomon is in the title but God made the words come through his fingers. This book is every bit as holy as the Ten Commandments or the Sermon of the Mount. Remember that.

Next question: Who is speaking in the opening verse? Male or female? The pronouns give it away. "Let him kiss me" is obviously the voice of a woman. But here's my point. If God wrote this poem then HE is choosing the words the woman is saying. Rather than recounting a historical event, poetry can introduce hypothetical dialogue that reflects the heart of the author. This book does just that. It gives us a rare window into the very heart of God! So, what's He got in mind? (This is SO fascinating.)

First of all, the Hebrew word for "kiss", as used in this verse, is "nashaq". It means to touch with the lips but the word is also identical to another Hebrew word that means "to catch fire" or "to kindle". God is qualifying a term of passion BUT it's not in reference to romance! My commentary even specifics that nashaq "rarely has romantic implications". In contrast, the term actually refers to a kiss that comes with an embrace to communicate acceptance, warmth and confident love. You see this kind of affection at a farewell or a reunion between close friends or family.

Typical American culture does not include a nashaq but it is an acceptable social practice in many parts of the eastern world. My husband is Polish and when we visit his family, I can expect a big smacker right on the lips (from both men and women) followed by a bear hug. It's just what you do and it serves to kindle the strength of our love. In one passion-filled moment I feel unconditionally accepted by his family. I think God had something like this in mind. But there's more ...

Nashaq also has a figurative meaning "to equip with weapons" or "to arm". God knows the intensity of our battle because he knows our adversary. He knows that spiritual victory cannot come without spiritual weapons. I find it interesting that we are equipped with necessary arms to "fight the good fight" by a kiss from his mouth. What a surprising combination. Just as His breath brought life to Adam so His breath brings life to our confidence, our faith and our energy to endure. All we have to do is ask!

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth." It's what God wants you to say.

Love Dances On the Graves

"Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
until I brought him to my mother's house,
to the room of the one who conceived me."
Song of Solomon 3:4

It was May 1. I had reserved the day to spend with my parents months ago but that morning I had the distinct feeling that the day was especially significant - God was up to something. "Go to the cemetery today." Driving down to Baltimore, I stopped by Food Lion and picked up some flowers and headed for my parents' home. We were going to spend a morning walking down memory lane.

I had not visited this cemetery in oh, let's say 25 years. Without Mom's help I couldn't have found the site where her parents were buried. Hundreds of flat, iron markers line the field of deep graves each containing two bodies, one laying on top of the other. (What an ingenious way to save space and make money.) We paid our respects, cutting the flowers to fit in the urn and I watched for Mom's tear but a giggle came instead.

You got to know my mom. She's finally crossed over to a life stage of contentment. It makes her beautiful. Leaving regrets behind she's enjoying the rest of the journey. I didn't expect it, but God was taking my mom back to "remember when's" and it was bringing out the little girl that lives in every daughter. This was a happy place where she used to run and play. I could imagine her dancing on the graves in a pretty white dress. Suddenly Mom's thoughts skipped to the present. "I think our plot is right over there."

(I didn't even know they had one picked out? Thanks for taking care of that morbid detail, Mom and Dad. We don't have ours picked out. How old do you have to be before you start looking? Cringe.)

Perusing over several rows of graves she started searching for their plot like a child playing hide and seek. I followed her, scrambling to contain a sudden burst of strong emotions. The scene was not nearly as simple for me. "Here it is," Mom yelled to us. Standing over your parents' future grave is a very odd feeling. I lost it. "Oh my gosh, this is going to happen some day." I don't plan on going back until I have to but the moment was a "stand alone" for me, full of significance.

The power of bonding begins at conception. It's the glue that holds relationships together - you can't love successfully without it. Sometimes people search for love in the wrong places but love never becomes intimate unless you have the ability to bond. That's a mother's job. Love is real when you can identify the strength of a bond. It should have been fostered wherever your mother made a home.

I've got a feeling that the door to Mom's memory world is quickly closing so I'm going to cherish the mental snap shot of this day. When the time comes, Lord, help me remember the dance moves of a child.

Gazelles and Does Get It

"I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field ..."
Song of Solomon 2:6a

Okay, fine. I love my dog. Libby is an affectionate, obedient, low-key canine. I feed her, pet her and take her for walks in the morning. Everyone loves Libby. I even have a growing list of people who want to borrow her for weekends when we're traveling. No one gets confused by our differences. People are people. Dog's are dogs. It sounds like a "da" statement I know ,but check out the words to a popular rap song:

You and me baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
Let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel.

(Are you kidding me?)

Human beings are NOT the same as animals and I resent the implication that we are motivated by the same sex-drive! Here's just a few points I want to make in light of this stupidity.

Yes, we are part of the animal kingdom - as in warm blooded, heart-thumping, oxygen-breathing mammals. but that's where the similarities end. Sex is natural but in no way does that make it automatic. Just because I have a desire for sex does not mean it demands a response. I do have a choice whether or not to act on my feelings.

Men and women do not exist within the limitations of instinctive behavior; we are free to make our own decisions. Thank goodness! I love being human. I love that I get to choose what to wear, where to go and when to leave. I am not the same as a gazelle, a doe or an orangutan swinging from the limbs of a Sungkai tree. And neither are you. Instinct restricts sexual activity.

An animal is compelled to have intercourse for the sole purpose of reproduction. In fact, sexual interest is limited to the mating season. Dictated by a changeless time clock, animals know when to travel and where to congregate with species of their own kind. This exchange only lasts a short time period, usually a few weeks or less. That's it. Does that sound like a model we follow?

Humans are not bound by instinctive drives that awaken at certain times of the year, suddenly indicating it's time to make a baby. No. Our sexual desire goes well beyond reproductive interests. (Another thank goodness!) We have the power to choose when, where and how often.

Sex is a voluntary decision, not a need. If it was, celibate citizens would have become case studies of dysfunction with a long list of scientific evidence validating the necessity for regular sexual activity. But there are plenty of productive, thriving, satisfied human beings on the earth who are not sexual. In fact, some of them are the greatest examples of humanity. Think about Mother Teresa or Pope John Paul. What about Jesus Christ?

If you really need a reminder, take a tip from the gazelles and the does: human sexuality is special ... very special.

How do You Handle Hostility?

The watchmen on the wall found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak
those watchmen on the walls."
Song of Solomon 5:7

How do you handle hostility? There seems to be a growing resistance toward Christianity. I know it's been obvious ever since Jesus came to earth but it just seems to be escalating on a global scale. America is certainly not exempt. Evangelicals, in particular, seem to be the target. If you make a personal decision to live by Biblical morals you are easily identified as judgmental. Even though Bill O'Reilly regularly highlights this injustice in search of a juicy debate, sympathy is hard to come by.

People just don't like Christians these days.

So how do you handle hostility? Seriously. How do you respond to someone who hates you - not because you have wronged them personally but simply because of what you believe? I've been praying about it. I'm not sure how to handle hate up close. It's going to happen, I know it. There's a growing number of "watchmen on the walls," people watching for the right opportunity to accuse you as discriminatory. They will attempt to ruin you - "beating and bruising" your reputation, your livelihood and even your faith. Some of them will succeed. How will you respond?

I want to ready with a loving response.

So far, Paul is helping me. "We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world" (1 Corinthians 4:12 & 13). What a different perspective. Work hard, stay productive and mind your own business. When people insult you stay calm and keep your thoughts to yourself. Rather than defending yourself, take the hits. Above all, convey that you care about the person. That's not easy - but when you accept the reality that we are the "scum of the earth", it is easier to shake off offense. Jesus did it.

I think the American church needs to adopt a new identity. We can always refer to 1 Peter 2's "pick me up" on the bad days, but we need to accept that we are "the refuse of the world". We really expect much better treatment. Typically, we ask the world to appreciate our faith. How did that ever become the standard? That's not even Biblical.

Humility doesn't come by winning an argument or even defending your rights. It's a far more risky road where angry, hurting people "take away your cloak" and don't have any remorse about it. But humility is the only chance we've got to convey authentic love to a lost soul. I could be one of them.

FYI ... There's a growing number of people asking the same question. I am leading a special service called "The Loving Response" on Sunday, March 29 - 7pm. at Freedom Valley Worship Center in Gettysburg, PA. You're welcome to join us.

Get Up!

"I have taken off my robe-
must I put it on again?"
Song of Solomon 5:3

She had just crawled under a puffy down quilt to escape the cold air - at least that's what I picture. Steadily drifting off to sleep, a knock on the door jolts her awake. "Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one." Wow. That's the right combination of words for a promising evening. But this isn't just any guy. This is the King of Kings! Jesus, the Bridegroom is knocking on her door with desperate love. He want to spend alone time with her. Will she share his longing? Not this time.

"Do I have to?" We're all guilty of this response. Jesus stands at the door of our hearts asking to come in and our response is often a grown. Do I have to read the Bible? Do I have to make time to pray? Do I have to ... not now. And we role over, convinced that he'll keep knocking.

Sin will do that to you.

In the midst of all the grace and mercy teaching, the church has developed an image of God that looks more like Santa Claus. With a little sweet-talkin' we can find the way to his soft side to avoid punishment. Somehow, we've convinsed ourselves that a little sin doesn't really matter to God and slowly, over time, a little sin has become a huge problem. The world looks at us with disgust because the gospel we preach is not the gospel we live.

When people don't connect with God because Christians are the stumbling block it is to our shame. "For it is time for judgement to begin with the house of God" (1 Peter 4:17). Brothers and sisters, the time for casual Christianity is over! We all need to do an inventory.

Galatians 5:19-21 lists the acts of sin we are to avoid.

Sexual immorality - this includes sleeping with someone who is not your spouse.
Impurity- crude jokes, foul language and taking the Lord's name in vain.
Debauchery - pornography falls in this category.
Idolatry - it shows up in your check book and your day planner.
Witchcraft - reading horoscopes and watching shows like "Psych"
Hatred - Let's see ... this includes all forms of racism and people you refuse to forgive.
Discord - Bashing ... basically any words that tear people down.
Jealousy - Anytime you have a hard time with seeing a competitor succeed.
Fits of Rage - Lack of self-control - irritable and easily angered.
Selfish Ambition - looking out for #1 at the expense of others.
Dissension - gossip that leads people to develop negative opinions about others.
Factions - taking sides and making sides happen - parents do this with their children.
Envy - resenting someone's gift or blessing.
Drunkenness- Drinking alcohol as a stress reducer or to have a good time.
Orgies - Patronizing any business that makes money from sex.

If you're guilty on any count, repent. Humble yourself and admit your sin to God. Or better yet, ask God to search your heart. Don't let your inner defender take the stand - he's such a lier. God will reveal the secret motivations of your heart. We cannot afford to hide behind a facade of righteousness. The world sees our hypocricy and people are ignoring the message of hope because of it.

Lethargic romance - eventually she does get up but he is no longer standing at the door. The Lover won't keep knocking. Dear ones, repent and God will come to you once again. The world longs to see love that is true and passionate - a divine embrace that, alone can satisfy. Get up!

Dark, Yet Lovely?

So, I tried to teach my course at Gettysburg College. A group of students were willing to sponsor it - a voluntary gathering of people who were interested in learning about God's plan for relationships. The announcement sparked a lot of controversy. After lots of campus dialogue, rumors of protests and one tough article in the school newspaper, the course didn't happen. Most of the stir was in reference to homosexuality - on my web site I categorize this lifestyle under the heading "Immoral".

If I was gay and truly believed that I was born this way, I think I'd have a similar reaction. It's like saying, "God, you made me this way and then you made a rule that keeps me from being acceptable." I'm told most gay people really would like to be straight if they were given the choice. But, for some reason, the power to change evades them. Life must be a series of concessions. No wonder the moral message is another rejection slam. But the God of the Bible isn't asking for perfection.

Maybe you haven't read this verse:
"Dark am I, yet lovely" (Song of Solomon 1:5).

The amazing thing about God's love is that it doesn't ask for perfection. He doesn't even hold up a righteous requirement. God's love is free to us because it was purchased with a cost to him. None of us, gay or straight, have what it takes to approach God. Every one of us has messed up - there are no "really bad" sins. But God has this crazy love for people. I don't understand it really, but I know it reached out to me while I was a mess! And he still does. I'm not perfect and there are days when it's more noticeable than most. However, God says I'm "lovely" in the midst of my imperfection. That means I'm lovable. God finds me lovable even when I mess up. And he feels the same about you!

When someone puts a period after the phrase, "I am dark" there is no room for hope and there is no room for redemption. That's not the message of the gospel. Jesus Christ conquered sin and death making change possible. He gives us the power to change and that's the good news in a nutshell. List's of "do's and don'ts" raise the bar so high, no one can pass. Moral absolutes were never meant to communicate rejection and I'm so grieved when they do.

Morals are for Christians, people who recognize their need for a Savior - someone to save them from their mess. Out of gratitude for that sacrifice they have surrendered their hearts to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, no longer living for their own purpose. Morals were given to Christians to serve as boundary lines set up by a loving God to help us stay within the channel of blessings. They help us gauge danger zones that could bring harm. Morals offer wisdom but they are not requirements that determine acceptance and worth.

You are "dark, yet lovely", my friend. It's just that simple. And one tiny sentence can open the door to this reality. "I need you, God." That's where it all begins.

"My Lover is My Friend"

"This is my lover, this is my friend."
Song of Solomon 5:16b

Another way to say it would be, "The one who loves me is my best friend." It's a far-fetched concept for most of us, and the same was true for the Shulamite. It took her five chapters to connect the dots, transforming a religious notion to a personal reality but she got it, and so can you!

God wears a lot of hats for his children. Sometimes his authority is very evident - just like a policeman. A healthy fear is necessary to motivate people toward righteous choices. Often people stop with this view of God and never realize He has a tender side. God is also the ultimate physician, demonstrating His tenacious desire to heal and restore life throughout Scripture. He really cares about you! God is also the coach, eagerly guiding your life with Psalm 23 shepherd love. He cheers for you on the sidelines when no one else seems to notice. But the role He prefers to play is your best friend - to be your closest confidante and ultimate companion.

Jesus said, "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I call you friends, for everything that I have learned from my Father I have made known to you" (John 15:15). God made it clear that He wants to be known as your friend. This is not the same as a master/servant relationship limiting interaction to orders given and followed. Friendship with God is a constant exchange of warmth, love and affection. Friendship with God is on a heart level, where honest feelings and thoughts are verbalized. God wants to confide in you and reminisce with you about every "remember when". God wants to hang out with you simply because he enjoys you. The blurry picture of friendship with God comes into focus when you learn to see yourself as His best friend.

You see, the satisfaction of meaningful companionship is defined by reciprocating love. Without ever talking about it, two people gradually develop confidence that they mutually enjoy each other. This fosters depth in a friendship - the rare find of intimacy. This is what you were designed for. This is what God offers you.

"Yep ... It's In There"

Yep. This is exactly what the Holy Bible says:

"How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
O love, with your delights!

Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.

I said, 'I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.'"

That's in Song of Solomon - the 22nd book of the Old Testament - chapter 7 verse 6 & 7. Check it out. Read it again, just to be sure. Yep. Sex is in the Bible because sex is important to God. In fact, the Bible qualifies sex as holy. Now that's an uncommon combination. How could holiness even come close to sex? Sounds a bit like having a special moment in the choir loft. Not exactly ... It's holy because God came up with the idea. Sex was God's design from the beginning and there's just NO one better suited to reveal its beauty. There's no one better suited to explain how it works and no one better suited to help you find ultimate satisfaction.

Just one important detail. You have to follow His instructions to get the best results. God knows that sexual intimacy is so powerful, it can easily become a destructive force in your life. He wants to see goodness flow in and out of your life so he set up some very important guidelines around sex. You don't have to follow them - most don't. But if you really want to experience the best sex ever known to man you will need to follow two very important guidelines.

#1 Sexual intercourse is reserved for marriage only. (I know it sounds old fashion, but God's standards never wear out. Married sex is, by far, the best!)

#2 Sexual intercourse is reserved for two people of the opposite sex. (I know this sounds old fashion too, but God cares a lot about reproduction and it takes a man and woman to make a baby.)

If you follow these two basic guidelines the chances of disease, death and depression will be very minimal - most likely not at all. God wants you to experience the optimal benefits of love. Consider his plan. You won't be disappointed.

Hey readers, what did you think of "Finding Intimacy in a Love-Starved World"? I'm collecting comments for a new book and I'd love to hear from you. Thanks.